Van Gogh and Others

"From the Tales of My Imagination"

Once upon a time, I had a lot of money. And I was attracted to a girl, but it turned out she was a "woman of easy virtue," i.e., a prostitute. This upset me greatly. I took some of my money and pretended she'd found it on the road. There was a lot there, enough for her to live comfortably for a long time. She ran to me with her find and began to share her joy. She even tried to share the money she'd found with me—everyone thought I was a beggar. I asked her what she'd do next and was surprised to find she had no intention of giving up her trade—the sex trade. "I like doing it," she said. "Only when I'm a prostitute do I feel like a woman. Everyone looks for a woman in me, and they find one."

This heated truth made me think, and I began to view her differently—I saw a Woman in her, but nothing more...

P.S. They say "Woman with a Twist," and raisins, as we all know, are dried berries...

Dedicated to comrade (and comrades) Vincent van Gogh

Your severed ears, citizen Van Gogh, don't bother me at all. What? Just one ear, and the right one at that? Or even a dick, the left one—it's all, you know, juvenile, mannerist... Who needs your severed ears today? What, not today, or yesterday? Oh, how interesting. Although, what difference does it make, even in the time of Anna Joanna—no one, believe me, no one needs your severed ears, or ear, or any other limbs or members! Except you yourself, of course. Preserve them in alcohol, send them by mail... Drinks, all in one go with the snacks, perhaps? And also, to be a worthwhile artist, no, even just an artist, you don't need to hack away at your ears—you need to smear and smear, the more the better, preferably in color, full-length, and... What, a nude? A nude is just a nude. Beautiful. Nowadays, Playboy, that glossy magazine, is cooler than any nude. Not to mention what's on the internet!.. Instead of mutilating yourself, I'd advise you to paint black women with white, and European women exclusively with umber. Put signs on the side: "Negroid - whore," "Aryan - stately as hell." And also... However, an earless artist, a non-Christian, shouldn't divulge the secrets of inspiration; that's what you guys are all about, but it's all in vain...

I'm selling an idea: Sewing on a third ear, for the purpose of artistic self-expression.

I'm buying the idea: Give me your virginity for a while – I'll return it safe and sound.

Conclusion: Ear cutting, like defloration, is merely a means to a dark and, quite possibly, vile end.

©Mikhail Dmitrienko, 1999-2000, Alma-Ata